My child, I know it may not seem like it, but you will.
The problem is, when you're young, you love without logic. You love without boundaries, inhibitions or fears. That first time you fall, you fall so hard and so deep - because you don't know any better. Your first time falling in love- you learn.
That's not to say you should be jaded, or lock your heart away.
The first time I fell in love, I did it without inhibition. I believed it would last forever & I put so much time and effort into it. I loved with so much passion that I almost forgot to love myself first. Of course, I learned just like you will, just like we all will- the hard way. When my heart was broken i learned that while loving someone with all of your being is beautiful, you always have to have a little logic. You always have to think of you.
You're going to have to focus as much on yourself as you can because, as cliche as the saying may seem, in the end it's true. The first cut is the deepest. That first feeling of true heartbreak is agony. No one expects their first love to end, and no one expects that shit feeling that follows if it does. Now, I'm not going to lie to you. For a while, everyday is going to suck. Then some days will be better, and then some days you'll regress. When you're feeling overwhelmed, my best advice is to write. Write a song, a poem, a letter, anything you want. Writing down your thoughts and emotions will help clear them from your mind. Don't be afraid to reminisce, to cry, to let yourself hurt- go ahead and listen to Someone Like You 100 times while you cry into your Ben&Jerry's (yeah, I've been there).
But after all that wallowing- don't forget to let yourself move on.
Of course the only way to move on is to give yourself space & time. Don't force unrealistic expectations on yourself. No one goes from lovers to friends in 2.7, even the closest of relationships need time to re-adjust. Sometimes when you've been in love with someone they become your best friend. they were the first person you turned to, they know all your deepest darkest secrets, they've seen you at your worst. But once you've loved them- it's hard to turn back. Not every couple can go back to being friends, & the longer you loved them the harder it will be.
I know that trying to be friends seems better than the alternative- missing them like hell. But you need time to move on. That means no communication. (None). Erase their number, unfollow them and delete them on facebook. If they're not there, odds are it'll help curb your cyber-stalking urges. I say this because one day one of you will start to actually move on, and nothing- nothing- will hurt more than if you're witnessing it yourself.
So give yourself time, months at least -or even a year- to move on without them.
Having the love of your life break up with you and saying, "We can still be friends.”, is like your dog dying and your mom saying you can still keep it. -Anonymous
Please don't be afraid to move on.
Those first few steps of meeting someone new are scary, but take your time and enjoy them! Don't get too preoccupied with labels and past fears, or compare everyone you meet with your ex. Unless your ex has a clone, chances are you wont find another like them. But that's a good thing! There is a reason it didn't work out, & despite what you may think that person probably wasn't your "type". (I don't think any one has a "type" really...) Just take things slow and enjoy meeting new people. These are your years to test the waters, & few things are as sweet as being free, & getting the butterflies time and time again. Don't assume because your friends are settling down or in long-term relationships that you have to follow a certain guideline. You are a different, unique person. Things will happen for you when it's your time.
Your 20's are your 'selfish' years. It's a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground -Kyoko Escamilla
Speaking of friends, they are going to be your saving grace. Call up your old friends, and go out and make new ones. Make sure you have a blast. I don't endorse "getting even" but if I did i'd tell you that looking good & having a great time is surely the best revenge. Those first few nights you might not feel very fun, hell, it might even feel awkward. So don't feel too bad if you cry after your 5th vodka cranberry. It happens to the best of us, & you'll be back on your game in no time.
Then the next morning while you're wondering why your body is punishing you for drunkenly hitting on a foreigner in leather pants, drag your friends out to breakfast and have the most indulgent, fatty, delicious, bacon loaded thing on the menu. Doctors' orders.
But before I forget darling, while you're out unwinding with your friends it's very important that you please always try your best to keep it civil. I know how tempting it is to trash talk an ex. Don't get caught up in the blame game, the 'Yeah it was my decision to dump him/her', the name calling, the 'I'm moving forward in life and he/she isn't', & most importantly the hashing out of personal details. You'll regret this all later. One way or another, it's a small world and someone will tell someone who heard it from someone who WILL tell your ex that you were trash talking. Not only does it make you look petty, but it ruins any chance of you guys having a healthy friendship later on. Besides, you never know what the future holds. Nothings worse than later on having to make excuses to your friends ."Yeah I know I said he's a douche and a loser, but uhh, we're back together. Yeah, no maybe I was exaggerating a bit before..."
But finally, the single most important thing is that I want you to remember that you will be happy again. No heartbreak-no matter how earth shattering, will last forever.
When you find yourself reminiscing, and you will, don't ever regret. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, but some leave with the seasons. Your first love will always have a little piece of your heart, even after years of being apart. Take what you learned from your past love and use it to help you build greater relationships in the future.
Don't you ever forget that what's meant to be will be and nothing or no one can take it away from you.
Elle the Belle
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